Does bacon make everything better?

During my time on this Earth, I have yet to find any food not enhanced by bacon. From spicing up to sweet desserts, adding bacon escalates anything. With bacon, bodies are nourished and souls are nurtured.

Today however, somebody could have possibly brought the concept of bacon too far. Introducing the bacon suit. Where, not only the wearer resembles bacon, it is a "chemically treated latex fabric smells exactly like bacon cooking in a skillet". For a mere $99, it is impossible to make a more impacting statement for your dollar.

Need a reason? Drink and Prosper.

Everybody hunts for it - the reason to drink. From the nutritional benefits of beer, to the cardiovascular benefits of red wine, a legitimate reason is constantly sought to justify the drinking. The problem however, is all these reasons limit consumption to moderate quantities. Those weak benefits do not justify those days of slurred speech, but not anymore my friends.

Drink and make more money.

A recent study has found a correlation between drinking and education level. The higher the education level, the higher the proportion who has used alcohol in the past month. Since education level and income are highly correlated, we can extrapolate that drinking and income are also correlated.

There is your legitimate reason to drink without limits. I challenge you to find a flaw in this argument. If you think you have, you have not drank enough. Drink forth and prosper.